








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 481 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 175 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4634 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,184 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3455 | 42% |
| Smokes | 1583 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2437 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 709 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,201,248 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 132 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squid | 62% | 53 |
| #2 | Carbon | 57% | 135 |
| #3 | ARG | 57% | 30 |
| #4 | TheDinkster | 53% | 45 |
| #5 | Sly - ZYN gaymin | 53% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luke | 35 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | Carbon | 22 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | Gayman | 19 | 0.0097 |
| #4 | Sly - ZYN gaymin | 12 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | LarryisWashed | 12 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luke | 504 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | Carbon | 428 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | Sly - ZYN gaymin | 351 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #4 | Squid | 247 | 0.27 | 6 min |
| #5 | TheDinkster | 188 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squid | +3.76 | 86 | 66 |
| #2 | shoeler | +2.63 | 71 | 60 |
| #3 | Locke | +2.33 | 88 | 56 |
| #4 | w0nderful cerse1 | +1.92 | 84 | 37 |
| #5 | TheDinkster | +1.54 | 76 | 66 |





