








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 676 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 238 matches | ||
| Faceit | 69 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4019 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,578 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2928 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3050 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2748 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1852 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,379,134 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 336 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Dr. Draven | 45% | 107 |
| #10 | Simpansi | 44% | 73 |
| #11 | Ragvandill | 39% | 49 |
| #12 | Heza | 34% | 99 |
| #13 | Eagle Örn Deagleson the 8th | 18% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toti | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Heza | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Pk_bang | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Tommi | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Dr. Draven | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simpansi | 237 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #2 | Dr. Draven | 145 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | Heza | 106 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | toti | 65 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Pk_bang | 65 | 0.07 | 2 min |





