








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 124 matches | ||
| Faceit | 120 matches | ||
| Wingman | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 57 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1762 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,418 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1284 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3522 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 2589 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1023 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,222,717 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 440 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Humperdoo | 64% | 22 |
| #2 | Dísel Rottan | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | GoofyClot | 59% | 17 |
| #4 | toti | 53% | 59 |
| #5 | Tommi | 52% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Eagle Örn Deagleson the 8th | 48% | 61 |
| #12 | Telephone | 46% | 24 |
| #13 | Dr. Draven | 43% | 179 |
| #14 | Stuttbuxur | 39% | 49 |
| #15 | solvigunn | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simpansi | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Heza | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Stuttbuxur | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | GoofyClot | 2 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | Dr. Draven | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simpansi | 319 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #2 | Heza | 303 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #3 | Dr. Draven | 278 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | Eagle Örn Deagleson the 8th | 169 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | Pk_bang | 115 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dísel Rottan | +4.25 | 67 | 55 |
| #2 | Humperdoo | +4.24 | 59 | 60 |
| #3 | Simpansi | +2.10 | 73 | 75 |
| #4 | Heza | +1.67 | 62 | 69 |
| #5 | Stuttbuxur | +1.53 | 72 | 65 |





