








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 415 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 337 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3781 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,182 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 986 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1400 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1584 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2212 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $435,203 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 265 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Flatmonk3y #2624 | 49% | 169 |
| #7 | BON | 46% | 50 |
| #8 | StewelsFantasties | 44% | 25 |
| #9 | Caboose | 43% | 21 |
| #10 | KAVOOKAVALA #2624 | 42% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flatmonk3y #2624 | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | M4joRPa1NSA_TTV | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | J1NG3R | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | STROGONOFY #2624 | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | BON | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flatmonk3y #2624 | 443 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | J1NG3R | 210 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | STROGONOFY #2624 | 120 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #4 | Forsaken | 101 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | M4joRPa1NSA_TTV | 100 | 0.03 | 3 min |





