








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 247 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2488 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,176 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3050 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2753 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1957 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1416 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $516,439 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 111 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bass | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Cirexi | 61% | 70 |
| #3 | Davyd | 53% | 152 |
| #4 | Mayonis | 52% | 124 |
| #5 | Snööpe | 52% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cirexi | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Mayonis | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Finnyan | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | lodsinn | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Davyd | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Davyd | 409 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | Mayonis | 353 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | Cirexi | 202 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | lodsinn | 143 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Snööpe | 114 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bass | +4.35 | 82 | 72 |
| #2 | beefis | +2.58 | 73 | 72 |
| #3 | Davyd | +2.40 | 88 | 53 |
| #4 | Cirexi | +1.71 | 64 | 62 |
| #5 | Mayonis | +1.02 | 69 | 68 |





