








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
749 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,100 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 866 | 28% |
| Smokes | 696 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 673 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 865 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $313,881 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 179 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | my trough = your peak | 56% | 39 |
| #2 | dr suck | 54% | 48 |
| #3 | Jesus | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | axedonis | 51% | 71 |
| #5 | caponey never broke #iwnl | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | caponey never broke #iwnl | 50% | 18 |
| #6 | ★anal | 48% | 116 |
| #7 | Aviso | 48% | 82 |
| #8 | Joverwatch | 44% | 9 |
| #9 | TheKronMan | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★anal | 9 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | axedonis | 7 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Aviso | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | dr suck | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | TheKronMan | 3 | 0.0097 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | axedonis | 293 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #2 | Aviso | 282 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #3 | ★anal | 173 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | dr suck | 166 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | my trough = your peak | 84 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | my trough = your peak | +4.67 | 88 | 55 |
| #2 | caponey never broke #iwnl | +3.65 | 84 | 58 |
| #3 | dr suck | +3.09 | 54 | 64 |
| #4 | ★anal | +0.77 | 84 | 47 |
| #5 | Aviso | -0.02 | 68 | 57 |





