








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 526 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




169 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2122 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,603 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2466 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2627 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4228 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2282 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,729,459 of utility $260 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 343 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FAT DUMB BOI | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | L4zyhaver | 46% | 52 |
| #3 | Mr.Euter | 45% | 33 |
| #4 | ThePointlessDude | 43% | 49 |
| #5 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | 41% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | 41% | 69 |
| #6 | The Mo | 40% | 159 |
| #7 | PorkRageChef | 40% | 43 |
| #8 | Thetawave | 39% | 36 |
| #9 | Alish Al-Wadil | 35% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Mo | 83 | 0.0266 |
| #2 | PorkRageChef | 24 | 0.0286 |
| #3 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | 19 | 0.0141 |
| #4 | Alish Al-Wadil | 14 | 0.0143 |
| #5 | Thetawave | 11 | 0.0146 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Mo | 383 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #2 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | 341 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #3 | Mr.Euter | 174 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #4 | Alish Al-Wadil | 137 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | PorkRageChef | 133 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Euter | +4.65 | 76 | 80 |
| #2 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | +4.43 | 75 | 80 |
| #3 | Thetawave | +3.86 | 56 | 75 |
| #4 | The Mo | +3.43 | 60 | 67 |
| #5 | PorkRageChef | +2.51 | 68 | 69 |





