








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
282 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 697 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 144 | 21% |
| Smokes | 40 | 6% |
| HE Grenades | 309 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 204 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $224,865 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Euter | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | Thetawave | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | L4zyhaver | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | 44% | 16 |
| #5 | The Mo | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | 44% | 16 |
| #5 | The Mo | 43% | 21 |
| #6 | Lujimotive | 43% | 49 |
| #7 | PorkRageChef | 38% | 13 |
| #8 | Alish Al-Wadil | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lujimotive | 21 | 0.0222 |
| #2 | The Mo | 12 | 0.0301 |
| #3 | PorkRageChef | 5 | 0.0240 |
| #4 | Thetawave | 4 | 0.0270 |
| #5 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | 3 | 0.0103 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lujimotive | 74 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | 71 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #3 | The Mo | 49 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Alish Al-Wadil | 25 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | PorkRageChef | 24 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thetawave | +6.56 | 56 | 71 |
| #2 | The Mo | +5.36 | 57 | 67 |
| #3 | Jean Claude Vac Ban | +3.72 | 76 | 78 |
| #4 | Mr.Euter | +0.76 | 54 | 71 |
| #5 | PorkRageChef | +0.68 | 74 | 75 |





