








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 695 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 280 | 40% |
| Smokes | 145 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 145 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 125 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $22,526 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Funky_Sasquatch | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | Big Ol' Otis | 47% | 15 |
| #3 | Mmm, Monkey | 40% | 5 |
| #4 | Hummingbird | 36% | 11 |
| #5 | DarkStorm | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Big Ol' Otis | 47% | 15 |
| #3 | Mmm, Monkey | 40% | 5 |
| #4 | Hummingbird | 36% | 11 |
| #5 | DarkStorm | 33% | 3 |
| #6 | D4DDY_SEX69 | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Ol' Otis | 2 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Hummingbird | 1 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | D4DDY_SEX69 | 1 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Ol' Otis | 49 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #2 | Funky_Sasquatch | 25 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | Mmm, Monkey | 16 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #4 | Hummingbird | 7 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | DarkStorm | 1 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Ol' Otis | +1.87 | 73 | 61 |
| #2 | D4DDY_SEX69 | +1.58 | 49 | 55 |
| #3 | Funky_Sasquatch | -0.15 | 58 | 77 |
| #4 | Doge | -0.90 | 71 | 54 |
| #5 | Hummingbird | -2.91 | 38 | 45 |





