








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1247 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,214 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 266 | 8% |
| Smokes | 622 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1180 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 1146 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $637,132 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | sadge | 40% | 10 |
| #14 | MaGgiX | 39% | 62 |
| #15 | xX_Neck_Xx | 35% | 23 |
| #16 | Atominat1on | 33% | 21 |
| #17 | Microman | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JustAPilot | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Kenji | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | MaGgiX | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | NOname | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Darki | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JustAPilot | 192 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Kenji | 103 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | obeey | 95 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #4 | MaGgiX | 89 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Darki | 87 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | obeey | +3.37 | 82 | 68 |
| #2 | Kenji | +2.40 | 82 | 75 |
| #3 | Smartii | +1.36 | 84 | 72 |
| #4 | sadge | +1.25 | 84 | 64 |
| #5 | Microman | +1.01 | 64 | 71 |





