








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 53 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
366 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 709 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 200 | 28% |
| Smokes | 131 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 279 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 99 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $157,215 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Decadenza | 63% | 30 |
| #7 | Collynzen | 63% | 8 |
| #8 | ai | 61% | 28 |
| #9 | chicken pizza | 60% | 15 |
| #10 | happy | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vorpal | 5 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | ai | 4 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | happy | 3 | 0.0138 |
| #4 | chicken pizza | 2 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | Decadenza | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vorpal | 93 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | ai | 85 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Decadenza | 59 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | chicken pizza | 37 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | happy | 23 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | save | +5.02 | 59 | 55 |
| #2 | Decadenza | +4.41 | 88 | 65 |
| #3 | ai | +2.40 | 83 | 71 |
| #4 | noxsu | +2.40 | 52 | 26 |
| #5 | Collynzen | +0.68 | 55 | 52 |





