








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 456 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 210 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1746 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,778 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 430 | 15% |
| Smokes | 663 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 882 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 803 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $484,340 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 300 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zim | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 49% | 67 |
| #3 | cuh | 48% | 114 |
| #4 | WKDJonesy | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | Liability | 47% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | cuh | 48% | 114 |
| #4 | WKDJonesy | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | Liability | 47% | 131 |
| #6 | Squidge | 43% | 125 |
| #7 | Bozzy | 35% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 11 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Liability | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | cuh | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Squidge | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | zim | 3 | 0.0101 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Liability | 273 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #2 | Squidge | 264 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 172 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | cuh | 145 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Bozzy | 52 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zim | +5.17 | 83 | 63 |
| #2 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | +3.12 | 51 | 59 |
| #3 | cuh | +0.10 | 63 | 37 |
| #4 | WKDJonesy | -0.44 | 44 | 52 |
| #5 | Squidge | -0.47 | 33 | 53 |





