










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 185 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
920 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,255 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 716 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1046 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 688 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 805 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $618,093 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | cuh | 48% | 54 |
| #6 | Squidge | 48% | 149 |
| #7 | Liability | 46% | 127 |
| #8 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 37% | 38 |
| #9 | Master SEA | 35% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Master SEA | 11 | 0.0108 |
| #2 | Liability | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 6 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | Squidge | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | cuh | 3 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squidge | 310 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #2 | Liability | 240 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 89 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | zim | 67 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | cuh | 59 | 0.05 | 2 min |





