








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 931 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 355 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 88 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3794 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,324 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3724 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4437 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4030 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3133 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,037,061 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 442 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Liability | 50% | 357 |
| #6 | cuh | 49% | 211 |
| #7 | Bozzy | 48% | 149 |
| #8 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 47% | 125 |
| #9 | Master SEA | 43% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Liability | 27 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Master SEA | 23 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 19 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | zim | 12 | 0.0098 |
| #5 | cuh | 9 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Liability | 765 | 0.11 | 22 min |
| #2 | `ydnarB` ⭕⃤ | 317 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | cuh | 279 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #4 | Bozzy | 186 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | zim | 176 | 0.14 | 3 min |





