








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1377 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,689 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1518 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2078 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2111 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 982 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,053,267 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Spiceunit | 36% | 72 |
| #9 | ReconSquirrel | 36% | 118 |
| #10 | ByReckwey | 33% | 30 |
| #11 | Harry Potter | 32% | 28 |
| #12 | Disabled Jimmy | 24% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DjDragon | 9 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Cory kaljaa | 7 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | ByReckwey | 7 | 0.0116 |
| #4 | ReconSquirrel | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | manofgras ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ | 6 | 0.0074 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DjDragon | 269 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | Harry Potter | 183 | 0.32 | 3 min |
| #3 | ReconSquirrel | 150 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Spiceunit | 136 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Honey | 54 | 0.06 | 1 min |





