








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 510 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 74 matches | 2,259 | |
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Faceit | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2017 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,886 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2881 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2564 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1586 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1855 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $621,004 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 434 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hetz | 69% | 13 |
| #2 | Stray | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | Xerioon🐔 | 68% | 19 |
| #4 | SJUR | 67% | 15 |
| #5 | Hugh | 65% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | VeggTinsel | 55% | 11 |
| #14 | BreMathias | 50% | 12 |
| #15 | Phuk | 47% | 19 |
| #16 | Jungle Jonas | 47% | 15 |
| #17 | TatoH | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k0nabear | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Lundinho | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | VeggTinsel | 2 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | NisseFrø- *NoScopeGlasses | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | asK ? | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k0nabear | 592 | 0.29 | 17 min |
| #2 | asK ? | 297 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #3 | Lundinho | 181 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | SIMSY ツ | 181 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #5 | NisseFrø- *NoScopeGlasses | 164 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pazzy | +3.76 | 96 | 64 |
| #2 | NisseFrø- *NoScopeGlasses | +2.63 | 75 | 69 |
| #3 | k0nabear | +1.77 | 82 | 86 |
| #4 | VeggTinsel | +1.75 | 78 | 70 |
| #5 | GIMS | +1.73 | 84 | 74 |





