








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 146 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 150 matches | ||
| Premier | 124 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3478 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,213 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2286 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3048 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2932 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2947 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $727,408 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 133 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dark1cs- | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Shionagi | 56% | 25 |
| #3 | DeltΔ | 55% | 29 |
| #4 | ♆DirnenJaeger | 54% | 48 |
| #5 | desire | 51% | 127 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ♆DirnenJaeger | 54% | 48 |
| #5 | desire | 51% | 127 |
| #6 | pump | 50% | 30 |
| #7 | maashh :( | 48% | 54 |
| #8 | exactly | 38% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♆DirnenJaeger | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | DeltΔ | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | exactly | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | maashh :( | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Dark1cs- | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | desire | 560 | 0.22 | 16 min |
| #2 | exactly | 181 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | ♆DirnenJaeger | 168 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | maashh :( | 115 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | DeltΔ | 80 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dark1cs- | +1.57 | 65 | 58 |
| #2 | Shionagi | +0.83 | 64 | 65 |
| #3 | desire | +0.68 | 76 | 75 |
| #4 | navox ↓they suck↓ | +0.42 | 66 | 66 |
| #5 | pump | -0.04 | 85 | 39 |





