








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 157 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 211 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2185 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3263 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2440 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2310 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2258 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $576,507 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shionagi | 65% | 31 |
| #2 | ♆DirnenJaeger | 53% | 30 |
| #3 | navox ↓they suck↓ | 51% | 127 |
| #4 | pump | 48% | 42 |
| #5 | maashh :( | 46% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | navox ↓they suck↓ | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | maashh :( | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Dark1cs- | 1 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | navox ↓they suck↓ | 205 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | exactly | 188 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | maashh :( | 184 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | pump | 127 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | tpm | 86 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | desire | +1.29 | 76 | 75 |
| #2 | Shionagi | +0.95 | 67 | 62 |
| #3 | exactly | +0.75 | 77 | 46 |
| #4 | navox ↓they suck↓ | +0.73 | 64 | 64 |
| #5 | pump | +0.29 | 81 | 44 |





