










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
672 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,283 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 216 | 17% |
| Smokes | 572 | 45% |
| HE Grenades | 144 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 351 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $264,334 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cbo:D | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | Monesy D. Goofy | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | Jarden Smelah | 50% | 36 |
| #4 | Hadouken! | 47% | 45 |
| #5 | Jill Biden | 47% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | cism | 33% | 9 |
| #8 | Matt | 29% | 14 |
| #9 | cf2099 | 25% | 16 |
| #10 | D. Brittleshits | 22% | 9 |
| #11 | Cunstable Cocksniff | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jill Biden | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | johnny_dang | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Hadouken! | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Jarden Smelah | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Monesy D. Goofy | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jill Biden | 247 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | johnny_dang | 136 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Monesy D. Goofy | 84 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | Hadouken! | 79 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jarden Smelah | 69 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | johnny_dang | +2.84 | 72 | 78 |
| #2 | Hadouken! | +2.68 | 74 | 57 |
| #3 | cbo:D | +2.08 | 81 | 63 |
| #4 | Matt | +1.48 | 56 | 15 |
| #5 | Monesy D. Goofy | +1.34 | 76 | 69 |





