








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 324 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 174 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2210 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,457 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1698 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1324 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1308 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1127 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $855,860 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | #1 dj in this whole planet | 55% | 33 |
| #2 | Monesy D. Goofy | 47% | 74 |
| #3 | cbo:D | 47% | 15 |
| #4 | The Melt | 47% | 45 |
| #5 | johnny_dang | 45% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jarden Smelah | 43% | 63 |
| #9 | cism | 38% | 29 |
| #10 | Cunstable Cocksniff | 38% | 29 |
| #11 | D. Brittleshits | 36% | 33 |
| #12 | camm0-dog | 15% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | johnny_dang | 11 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | cf2099 | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Jill Biden | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Jarden Smelah | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Monesy D. Goofy | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jill Biden | 542 | 0.20 | 14 min |
| #2 | johnny_dang | 486 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #3 | Monesy D. Goofy | 295 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #4 | Jarden Smelah | 100 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | cf2099 | 95 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cbo:D | +2.62 | 84 | 68 |
| #2 | johnny_dang | +2.11 | 75 | 77 |
| #3 | Hadouken! | +1.80 | 73 | 54 |
| #4 | Monesy D. Goofy | +0.96 | 70 | 67 |
| #5 | Jarden Smelah | -0.06 | 82 | 57 |





