








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 413 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2910 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,978 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3847 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4564 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2668 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2899 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $587,170 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 254 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | #1 dj in this whole planet | 52% | 42 |
| #2 | Jarden Smelah | 50% | 60 |
| #3 | Monesy D. Goofy | 49% | 99 |
| #4 | cbo:D | 48% | 29 |
| #5 | Jill Biden | 48% | 158 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | D. Brittleshits | 41% | 34 |
| #9 | Cunstable Cocksniff | 39% | 33 |
| #10 | cf2099 | 39% | 82 |
| #11 | The Melt | 38% | 55 |
| #12 | camm0-dog | 22% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cf2099 | 7 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Hadouken! | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Monesy D. Goofy | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Jill Biden | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Jarden Smelah | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jill Biden | 614 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #2 | Monesy D. Goofy | 359 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #3 | Hadouken! | 311 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | cf2099 | 88 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Jarden Smelah | 88 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | johnny_dang | +2.25 | 75 | 76 |
| #2 | cbo:D | +2.10 | 87 | 64 |
| #3 | Hadouken! | +1.90 | 72 | 54 |
| #4 | Monesy D. Goofy | +1.09 | 71 | 68 |
| #5 | Jarden Smelah | +0.58 | 82 | 56 |





