








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 463 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 178 matches | ||
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 110 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3446 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,615 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2047 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3646 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4030 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 3892 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $812,574 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 355 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | empyrean | 63% | 149 |
| #2 | Jian Jinhai | 61% | 223 |
| #3 | Dick Butkus | 58% | 313 |
| #4 | Francis Draco | 55% | 47 |
| #5 | Babatunday | 54% | 153 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Francis Draco | 55% | 47 |
| #5 | Babatunday | 54% | 153 |
| #6 | JL | 54% | 394 |
| #7 | Frorgan Meeman | 54% | 39 |
| #8 | Gwas | 48% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JL | 43 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Dick Butkus | 12 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Babatunday | 9 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Jian Jinhai | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | empyrean | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dick Butkus | 1517 | 0.23 | 47 min |
| #2 | JL | 1336 | 0.16 | 38 min |
| #3 | empyrean | 418 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | Jian Jinhai | 227 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #5 | Gwas | 203 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dick Butkus | +2.83 | 79 | 77 |
| #2 | JL | +2.70 | 80 | 71 |
| #3 | empyrean | +2.21 | 78 | 58 |
| #4 | Francis Draco | +0.84 | 55 | 43 |
| #5 | Reck7z | -1.11 | 54 | 59 |





