








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 98 matches | ||
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Wingman | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2713 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,224 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2778 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2171 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1673 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1602 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $807,687 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 206 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 63% | 27 |
| #2 | U9602 | 62% | 26 |
| #3 | Dakillzor for President | 57% | 67 |
| #4 | James | 55% | 51 |
| #5 | Hepha | 55% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | b0nkers | 50% | 62 |
| #10 | MrIDidYourMom:) | 46% | 26 |
| #11 | yer maws a bam | 46% | 61 |
| #12 | MrDick | 42% | 19 |
| #13 | Andy | 40% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | U9602 | 6 | 0.0108 |
| #2 | b0nkers | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Symmol | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | bigger brain than you | 3 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | MrIDidYourMom:) | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b0nkers | 350 | 0.27 | 8 min |
| #2 | Symmol | 196 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 170 | 0.29 | 5 min |
| #4 | yer maws a bam | 158 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | Dakillzor for President | 141 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James | +3.03 | 91 | 59 |
| #2 | Louis | +1.35 | 81 | 59 |
| #3 | yer maws a bam | +1.24 | 78 | 68 |
| #4 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | +1.19 | 76 | 81 |
| #5 | Hepha | +0.96 | 70 | 58 |





