








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 249 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 208 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3946 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1677 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2222 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2599 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1764 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $925,285 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | U9600 | 73% | 33 |
| #2 | Guts | 60% | 35 |
| #3 | TFBC | 57% | 185 |
| #4 | U9602 | 56% | 142 |
| #5 | Symmol | 56% | 156 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Louis | 55% | 51 |
| #7 | Hepha | 54% | 200 |
| #8 | Dakillzor for President | 54% | 215 |
| #9 | bigger brain than you | 49% | 70 |
| #10 | MrDick | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | U9602 | 24 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | Hepha | 13 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Dakillzor for President | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Symmol | 10 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | TFBC | 7 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dakillzor for President | 817 | 0.17 | 22 min |
| #2 | Symmol | 512 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #3 | TFBC | 489 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #4 | Hepha | 399 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #5 | U9602 | 152 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James | +2.19 | 90 | 53 |
| #2 | Hepha | +1.84 | 67 | 54 |
| #3 | Louis | +0.75 | 87 | 64 |
| #4 | Dakillzor for President | -0.05 | 63 | 62 |
| #5 | U9602 | -0.06 | 59 | 47 |





