








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 238 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1926 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,162 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2693 | 14% |
| Smokes | 5125 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5909 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 5435 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,098,188 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrumpy | 45% | 263 |
| #2 | Spice | 43% | 30 |
| #3 | Keith Alexander | 43% | 319 |
| #4 | Captain Alex | 42% | 96 |
| #5 | Makee | 40% | 272 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Keith Alexander | 43% | 319 |
| #4 | Captain Alex | 42% | 96 |
| #5 | Makee | 40% | 272 |
| #6 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 40% | 58 |
| #7 | Gabbor | 39% | 181 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Keith Alexander | 19 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Scrumpy | 15 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Gabbor | 10 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Makee | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 4 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrumpy | 1068 | 0.21 | 30 min |
| #2 | Makee | 794 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #3 | Gabbor | 657 | 0.18 | 16 min |
| #4 | Keith Alexander | 371 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #5 | Captain Alex | 191 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrumpy | +7.61 | 77 | 84 |
| #2 | TWO-TIER KEIR | +1.23 | 36 | 66 |
| #3 | Captain Alex | +0.34 | 55 | 43 |
| #4 | Makee | -0.56 | 39 | 64 |
| #5 | Keith Alexander | -1.37 | 48 | 52 |





