








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 599 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 219 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 58 matches | ||
| Faceit | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 82 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3906 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,926 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6006 | 22% |
| Smokes | 9495 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 5278 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 6147 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,350,428 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 138 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrumpy | 44% | 245 |
| #2 | Gabbor | 41% | 251 |
| #3 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 40% | 142 |
| #4 | Twonk ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ | 40% | 272 |
| #5 | Captain Alex | 40% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Gabbor | 41% | 251 |
| #3 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 40% | 142 |
| #4 | Twonk ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ | 40% | 272 |
| #5 | Captain Alex | 40% | 154 |
| #6 | Keith Alexander | 36% | 196 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gabbor | 16 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Keith Alexander | 15 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Scrumpy | 12 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Captain Alex | 11 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 7 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrumpy | 960 | 0.21 | 27 min |
| #2 | Gabbor | 913 | 0.18 | 21 min |
| #3 | Twonk ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ | 475 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #4 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 427 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #5 | Captain Alex | 336 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrumpy | +6.86 | 75 | 83 |
| #2 | TWO-TIER KEIR | +0.40 | 37 | 66 |
| #3 | Captain Alex | +0.30 | 53 | 49 |
| #4 | Makee | -1.26 | 35 | 66 |
| #5 | Gabbor | -1.82 | 31 | 71 |





