








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 651 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 63 matches | ||
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5455 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,277 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5800 | 26% |
| Smokes | 6603 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4377 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 5497 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $818,666 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 199 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Captain Alex | 49% | 152 |
| #5 | Keith Alexander | 46% | 222 |
| #6 | Gabbor | 45% | 234 |
| #7 | Twonk ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ | 45% | 263 |
| #8 | Makee | 44% | 245 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gabbor | 14 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Keith Alexander | 11 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Twonk ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Makee | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Captain Alex | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gabbor | 803 | 0.17 | 19 min |
| #2 | Makee | 728 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #3 | Twonk ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ | 329 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | Captain Alex | 290 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | Keith Alexander | 256 | 0.06 | 7 min |





