








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 599 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2583 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,567 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5047 | 26% |
| Smokes | 5401 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4643 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4476 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $631,468 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 958 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Alex | 46% | 203 |
| #2 | Scrumpy | 45% | 234 |
| #3 | Spice | 41% | 34 |
| #4 | Makee | 41% | 251 |
| #5 | Keith Alexander | 41% | 211 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Spice | 41% | 34 |
| #4 | Makee | 41% | 251 |
| #5 | Keith Alexander | 41% | 211 |
| #6 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 40% | 193 |
| #7 | Twonk ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ | 39% | 181 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 12 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Captain Alex | 11 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Scrumpy | 10 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Keith Alexander | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Makee | 7 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrumpy | 1006 | 0.22 | 28 min |
| #2 | Makee | 841 | 0.17 | 16 min |
| #3 | TWO-TIER KEIR | 557 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #4 | Captain Alex | 458 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #5 | Twonk ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ | 304 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrumpy | +6.69 | 73 | 83 |
| #2 | TWO-TIER KEIR | +0.45 | 37 | 67 |
| #3 | Captain Alex | -0.15 | 49 | 49 |
| #4 | Makee | -1.13 | 31 | 63 |
| #5 | Gabbor | -1.78 | 33 | 71 |





