








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 246 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 272 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2520 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,054 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2698 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3665 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3643 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2048 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $520,325 of utility $60 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 209 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | no1nder | 61% | 33 |
| #2 | my jersey hangs in the rafters | 50% | 44 |
| #3 | intel uhd 620 | 44% | 217 |
| #4 | chrome hearts draco | 44% | 96 |
| #5 | lions | 41% | 146 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | lions | 41% | 146 |
| #6 | Self Immolate | 41% | 22 |
| #7 | lurker | 39% | 113 |
| #8 | honk honk | 38% | 26 |
| #9 | i fuck cops wives | 38% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | intel uhd 620 | 15 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | lurker | 8 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | chrome hearts draco | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Self Immolate | 3 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | lions | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | intel uhd 620 | 736 | 0.16 | 23 min |
| #2 | lions | 724 | 0.23 | 23 min |
| #3 | chrome hearts draco | 488 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #4 | lurker | 240 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | no1nder | 153 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | no1nder | +3.30 | 78 | 62 |
| #2 | my jersey hangs in the rafters | +2.77 | 71 | 45 |
| #3 | lurker | +1.36 | 73 | 56 |
| #4 | chrome hearts draco | +1.27 | 58 | 74 |
| #5 | Self Immolate | +0.64 | 59 | 67 |





