








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 83 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 175 matches | ||
| Faceit | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3640 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,355 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6696 | 35% |
| Smokes | 5412 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3132 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 4115 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $381,077 of utility $49 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 307 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | lions | 53% | 189 |
| #6 | lurker | 50% | 182 |
| #7 | intel uhd 620 | 48% | 102 |
| #8 | Ramsterdamus | 44% | 96 |
| #9 | i fuck cops wives | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurker | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | lions | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Ramsterdamus | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | intel uhd 620 | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | my jersey hangs in the rafters | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lions | 1013 | 0.26 | 32 min |
| #2 | intel uhd 620 | 374 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #3 | lurker | 330 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | Ramsterdamus | 168 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | Self Immolate | 86 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | my jersey hangs in the rafters | +3.02 | 72 | 53 |
| #2 | Self Immolate | +0.88 | 63 | 59 |
| #3 | chrome hearts draco | +0.83 | 61 | 75 |
| #4 | lurker | +0.75 | 70 | 53 |
| #5 | lions | +0.11 | 68 | 60 |





