








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1450 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 759 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 102 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7427 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,708 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7807 | 29% |
| Smokes | 9276 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 3100 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 6525 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,676,762 of utility $260 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2315 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chrome hearts draco | 48% | 102 |
| #2 | Ramsterdamus | 44% | 217 |
| #3 | Self Immolate | 43% | 77 |
| #4 | lurker | 42% | 129 |
| #5 | lions | 41% | 187 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ramsterdamus | 44% | 217 |
| #3 | Self Immolate | 43% | 77 |
| #4 | lurker | 42% | 129 |
| #5 | lions | 41% | 187 |
| #6 | i fuck cops wives | 40% | 134 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ramsterdamus | 13 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | lurker | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | i fuck cops wives | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Self Immolate | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | lions | 5 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lions | 1028 | 0.25 | 33 min |
| #2 | chrome hearts draco | 582 | 0.26 | 16 min |
| #3 | Ramsterdamus | 452 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #4 | Self Immolate | 339 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #5 | lurker | 279 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurker | +1.68 | 73 | 54 |
| #2 | chrome hearts draco | +1.61 | 59 | 77 |
| #3 | Self Immolate | +0.59 | 64 | 59 |
| #4 | lions | -0.33 | 70 | 64 |
| #5 | intel uhd 620 | -0.52 | 53 | 63 |





