








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1291 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 746 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 82 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6763 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,273 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8123 | 25% |
| Smokes | 8796 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 9122 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 6232 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,289,325 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 163 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | discojawn | 57% | 46 |
| #2 | ラヴォネイター | 53% | 57 |
| #3 | bobby | 49% | 252 |
| #4 | payback | 49% | 187 |
| #5 | motoko | 49% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | M'sB|Cartman | 44% | 168 |
| #9 | QuiTschE | 43% | 456 |
| #10 | Blyatin | 43% | 352 |
| #11 | Hybed | 41% | 129 |
| #12 | shadowWAW | 39% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blyatin | 693 | 0.09 | 17 min |
| #2 | bobby | 632 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #3 | M'sB|Cartman | 628 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #4 | ✪︎ bladeofmatrix シ | 565 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #5 | QuiTschE | 516 | 0.05 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shadowWAW | +2.17 | 63 | 60 |
| #2 | ラヴォネイター | +1.37 | 44 | 59 |
| #3 | CrimsenArthalos | +1.26 | 54 | 63 |
| #4 | bobby | +1.05 | 73 | 71 |
| #5 | discojawn | +0.79 | 51 | 76 |





