








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 314 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 373 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4281 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,882 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2998 | 20% |
| Smokes | 5455 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 3989 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2440 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,248,186 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 125 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uw0tm8 | 56% | 75 |
| #2 | comaN | 56% | 27 |
| #3 | Too Bad | 51% | 303 |
| #4 | Kornelsen | 49% | 221 |
| #5 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | 49% | 182 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | 49% | 182 |
| #6 | ( ゚Д゚) | 49% | 105 |
| #7 | Johnny Banzoo | 48% | 349 |
| #8 | Anti-Kilian | 43% | 67 |
| #9 | Kilianasus | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Banzoo | 13 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Kornelsen | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Too Bad | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | ( ゚Д゚) | 4 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Banzoo | 881 | 0.12 | 22 min |
| #2 | Kornelsen | 713 | 0.15 | 18 min |
| #3 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | 578 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #4 | Too Bad | 446 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #5 | ( ゚Д゚) | 120 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | +1.52 | 58 | 68 |
| #2 | mkr- | +1.42 | 63 | 60 |
| #3 | Uw0tm8 | +0.22 | 55 | 57 |
| #4 | Too Bad | -0.07 | 52 | 62 |
| #5 | ( ゚Д゚) | -0.11 | 67 | 44 |





