








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 338 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 420 matches | ||
| Wingman | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4094 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,896 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4197 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5739 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3745 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4215 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,273,985 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ( ゚Д゚) | 51% | 152 |
| #2 | Uw0tm8 | 51% | 99 |
| #3 | Too Bad | 50% | 353 |
| #4 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | 48% | 240 |
| #5 | mkr- | 48% | 349 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | comaN | 48% | 40 |
| #7 | Kornelsen | 47% | 308 |
| #8 | Anti-Kilian | 47% | 145 |
| #9 | WhoRänZone | 42% | 95 |
| #10 | Kilianasus | 40% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kornelsen | 8 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | 7 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | ( ゚Д゚) | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | WhoRänZone | 7 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | mkr- | 6 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kornelsen | 1004 | 0.15 | 25 min |
| #2 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | 699 | 0.13 | 21 min |
| #3 | mkr- | 657 | 0.09 | 17 min |
| #4 | Too Bad | 460 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #5 | Anti-Kilian | 321 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | +2.21 | 61 | 67 |
| #2 | mkr- | +1.51 | 63 | 60 |
| #3 | Uw0tm8 | +0.37 | 53 | 60 |
| #4 | Too Bad | +0.32 | 52 | 61 |
| #5 | ( ゚Д゚) | +0.15 | 69 | 43 |





