








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 149 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 228 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2803 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,992 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3195 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2633 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2502 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2662 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $924,279 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ( ゚Д゚) | 53% | 47 |
| #2 | comaN | 52% | 29 |
| #3 | Uw0tm8 | 51% | 35 |
| #4 | mkr- | 49% | 182 |
| #5 | Johnny Banzoo | 48% | 240 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Kilianasus | 44% | 36 |
| #9 | Anti-Kilian | 44% | 45 |
| #10 | Hansi Flick | 36% | 22 |
| #11 | Entropie | 36% | 36 |
| #12 | Exodus | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Banzoo | 10 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Too Bad | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | mkr- | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Kornelsen | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | ( ゚Д゚) | 3 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Banzoo | 645 | 0.12 | 16 min |
| #2 | Kornelsen | 581 | 0.17 | 14 min |
| #3 | mkr- | 368 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | Too Bad | 302 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #5 | Kilianasus | 120 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Apfelkuchen | +1.88 | 60 | 66 |
| #2 | mkr- | +0.99 | 63 | 62 |
| #3 | Uw0tm8 | +0.38 | 48 | 58 |
| #4 | Entropie | +0.34 | 55 | 62 |
| #5 | Too Bad | -0.12 | 50 | 62 |





