








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 220 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1419 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,055 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2813 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1970 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2005 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1267 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $645,747 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 118 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | niskala ) | 78% | 27 |
| #2 | Conor McDecor β | 72% | 18 |
| #3 | HMBRGR | 63% | 24 |
| #4 | sacrim | 59% | 88 |
| #5 | Ryhis | 58% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | JΓΆrgen Von Rectum | 46% | 37 |
| #13 | kuhvari | 44% | 16 |
| #14 | vozER -βΏ- | 36% | 33 |
| #15 | NakkiDAI | 25% | 20 |
| #16 | Julma | 22% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sacrim | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | swamppis | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Julma | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Oukki | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | JΓΆrgen Von Rectum | 2 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryhis | 564 | 0.32 | 17 min |
| #2 | sacrim | 190 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Oukki | 146 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | JΓΆrgen Von Rectum | 138 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | swamppis | 136 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Conor McDecor β | +3.30 | 60 | 69 |
| #2 | niskala ) | +3.24 | 67 | 75 |
| #3 | kapdu | +2.52 | 68 | 66 |
| #4 | JΓΆrgen Von Rectum | +1.97 | 62 | 70 |
| #5 | Ryhis | +1.40 | 49 | 74 |





