








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 227 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 137 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2733 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,527 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2731 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2042 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2580 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2174 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $401,575 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Normaali | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | kaiser | 64% | 147 |
| #3 | fredde | 63% | 16 |
| #4 | zni☁ | 59% | 148 |
| #5 | jarxy | 59% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | jarxy | 59% | 56 |
| #6 | diglu- | 58% | 101 |
| #7 | peltsibolognese | 57% | 21 |
| #8 | retarded =Dsh00ter | 57% | 30 |
| #9 | sevzix | 56% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kaiser | 15 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | peltsibolognese | 7 | 0.0176 |
| #3 | zni☁ | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | jarxy | 6 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | diglu- | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kaiser | 444 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | diglu- | 420 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #3 | zni☁ | 383 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #4 | retarded =Dsh00ter | 134 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | jarxy | 120 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kaiser | +3.88 | 88 | 74 |
| #2 | Normaali | +3.37 | 89 | 70 |
| #3 | retarded =Dsh00ter | +2.76 | 90 | 67 |
| #4 | zni☁ | +2.41 | 91 | 63 |
| #5 | peltsibolognese | +0.62 | 81 | 57 |





