








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
827 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,644 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1455 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1170 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1761 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1258 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $400,330 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Nwah M8 | 36% | 86 |
| #5 | Lucy | 36% | 117 |
| #6 | nephew | 34% | 53 |
| #7 | THE LOATHSOME DUNG EATER | 32% | 101 |
| #8 | foour | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nwah M8 | 7 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Lucy | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | THE LOATHSOME DUNG EATER | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | nephew | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | manicorns | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lucy | 187 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | Nwah M8 | 165 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | manicorns | 156 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | comesaveher | 156 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #5 | THE LOATHSOME DUNG EATER | 86 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | comesaveher | +4.22 | 81 | 80 |
| #2 | Lucy | +1.80 | 74 | 67 |
| #3 | foour | +1.25 | 66 | 36 |
| #4 | THE LOATHSOME DUNG EATER | +0.91 | 54 | 52 |
| #5 | manicorns | +0.91 | 40 | 73 |





