








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 790 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 166 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3100 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,181 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1722 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1645 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2154 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1660 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,022,734 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 327 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bumba199 | 59% | 44 |
| #2 | Friedrich Merz | 55% | 83 |
| #3 | todubblen | 54% | 112 |
| #4 | Stosses | 51% | 130 |
| #5 | Sqsi | 48% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gabs | 19 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | todubblen | 14 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Stosses | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Friedrich Merz | 10 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | Butterfisch | 8 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gabs | 446 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #2 | Butterfisch | 207 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Stosses | 200 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | Jesus | 140 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | todubblen | 134 | 0.06 | 3 min |





