








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 550 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 240 matches | ||
| Faceit | 159 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4023 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,031 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5344 | 27% |
| Smokes | 6104 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4129 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4454 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,248,930 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 161 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bigchib | 51% | 112 |
| #2 | [SudZ] Old_Major | 50% | 141 |
| #3 | Lazy | 50% | 30 |
| #4 | ☁︎ Akido ☁ | 47% | 32 |
| #5 | dOugTS | 43% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | [SudZ] Old_Major | 50% | 141 |
| #3 | Lazy | 50% | 30 |
| #4 | ☁︎ Akido ☁ | 47% | 32 |
| #5 | dOugTS | 43% | 49 |
| #6 | Manhattan M 1 L E Y | 40% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [SudZ] Old_Major | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | bigchib | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Manhattan M 1 L E Y | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | dOugTS | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | ☁︎ Akido ☁ | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [SudZ] Old_Major | 463 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #2 | bigchib | 242 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | ☁︎ Akido ☁ | 151 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | Manhattan M 1 L E Y | 147 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | dOugTS | 76 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpayCee | +0.74 | 73 | 70 |
| #2 | [SudZ] Old_Major | +0.52 | 74 | 76 |
| #3 | Lazy | -0.36 | 67 | 46 |
| #4 | ☁︎ Akido ☁ | -0.75 | 37 | 64 |
| #5 | Manhattan M 1 L E Y | -1.39 | 32 | 72 |





