








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 190 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
746 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,747 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 482 | 28% |
| Smokes | 391 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 391 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 483 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $165,761 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SKRT | 95% | 20 |
| #2 | NIXU | 83% | 18 |
| #3 | Lepi | 79% | 19 |
| #4 | |ℬ| Count McX | 75% | 4 |
| #5 | Porkana | 75% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stephen Curry | 2 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | matku | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | SKRT | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Lepi | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | killer master lorder heller | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | matku | 132 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #2 | SKRT | 56 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | NIXU | 49 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | killer master lorder heller | 44 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lepi | 37 | 0.09 | 1 min |





