








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 114 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
892 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,038 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 546 | 27% |
| Smokes | 494 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 483 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 515 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $204,321 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SKRT | 84% | 19 |
| #2 | zei | 83% | 18 |
| #3 | Lepi | 73% | 15 |
| #4 | Sofia | 71% | 7 |
| #5 | balls | 67% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stephen Curry | 4 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | jolan;b | 4 | 0.0139 |
| #3 | matku | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Redyz ^_^ | 3 | 0.0085 |
| #5 | zei | 2 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | matku | 250 | 0.23 | 8 min |
| #2 | zei | 55 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | SKRT | 53 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Lepi | 48 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | kurwaraider | 33 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zei | +3.57 | 92 | 61 |
| #2 | Redyz ^_^ | +2.96 | 87 | 35 |
| #3 | NIXU | +2.07 | 79 | 64 |
| #4 | Sofia | +1.67 | 73 | 67 |
| #5 | Porkana | +1.11 | 53 | 47 |





