








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 259 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3630 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,809 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4084 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5061 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2704 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1960 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $657,096 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 183 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Severely Autistic | 66% | 32 |
| #2 | Beowulf878 | 50% | 68 |
| #3 | Rick Grimes | 50% | 103 |
| #4 | Baron | Reaper | 46% | 54 |
| #5 | Deadmeat | 45% | 223 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deadmeat | 430 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #2 | Baron | Reaper | 363 | 0.34 | 7 min |
| #3 | Rick Grimes | 347 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #4 | Beowulf878 | 300 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #5 | CeltiC | 160 | 0.11 | 4 min |





