








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 42 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
370 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,242 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 522 | 42% |
| Smokes | 434 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 36 | 3% |
| Molotovs | 250 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $74,346 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jk | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Katze | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | F-A-F | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | w i l l e♿ | 60% | 5 |
| #5 | ♿Nils♿ | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | hanii | 47% | 15 |
| #8 | CxxJ | 43% | 14 |
| #9 | OddBob | 43% | 28 |
| #10 | F_A_F | 40% | 10 |
| #11 | wickyy | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wickyy | 11 | 0.0234 |
| #2 | Pat | 11 | 0.0324 |
| #3 | hanii | 11 | 0.0383 |
| #4 | CxxJ | 8 | 0.0283 |
| #5 | OddBob | 7 | 0.0123 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wickyy | 95 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #2 | Pat | 85 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #3 | OddBob | 82 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | hanii | 58 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | CxxJ | 44 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | w i l l e♿ | +4.81 | 88 | 65 |
| #2 | Pat | +2.85 | 66 | 54 |
| #3 | alex | +2.25 | 71 | 65 |
| #4 | Katze | +0.92 | 78 | 56 |
| #5 | OddBob | +0.41 | 65 | 59 |





