








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2064 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,474 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1963 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1335 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1066 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1110 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $439,486 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HabibiElh | 63% | 27 |
| #2 | Gunga Ginga | 61% | 83 |
| #3 | Nullzee | 60% | 87 |
| #4 | ultra gay | 59% | 70 |
| #5 | esky | 57% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Dope Pope | 56% | 170 |
| #7 | Shohei Ohtani | 53% | 43 |
| #8 | Steve Bourbon | 53% | 194 |
| #9 | kitzy | 50% | 16 |
| #10 | LEMONISLIFE| CSGOWitch.com | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steve Bourbon | 56 | 0.0147 |
| #2 | Gunga Ginga | 24 | 0.0148 |
| #3 | ultra gay | 15 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | Nullzee | 7 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Shohei Ohtani | 6 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steve Bourbon | 391 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | Dope Pope | 273 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | Nullzee | 116 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | kitzy | 94 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #5 | Gunga Ginga | 74 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nullzee | +4.44 | 79 | 46 |
| #2 | ✪ rider | +2.54 | 71 | 39 |
| #3 | Dope Pope | +2.34 | 83 | 35 |
| #4 | esky | +2.26 | 59 | 59 |
| #5 | Shohei Ohtani | +1.80 | 61 | 55 |





