








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 261 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,331 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 438 | 19% |
| Smokes | 583 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 837 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 473 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $738,906 of utility $291 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | woyzeck | 45% | 83 |
| #2 | Löschen | 44% | 9 |
| #3 | Fresh Dumbledore | 44% | 91 |
| #4 | The one and only Deagle Double G | 41% | 76 |
| #5 | FriedrichS | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | woyzeck | 45% | 83 |
| #2 | Löschen | 44% | 9 |
| #3 | Fresh Dumbledore | 44% | 91 |
| #4 | The one and only Deagle Double G | 41% | 76 |
| #5 | FriedrichS | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The one and only Deagle Double G | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Fresh Dumbledore | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | woyzeck | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | FriedrichS | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fresh Dumbledore | 459 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #2 | woyzeck | 307 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #3 | The one and only Deagle Double G | 217 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | Löschen | 51 | 0.26 | 2 min |
| #5 | FriedrichS | 4 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | woyzeck | +0.65 | 61 | 66 |
| #2 | Fresh Dumbledore | +0.40 | 54 | 79 |
| #3 | Löschen | -0.56 | 21 | 80 |
| #4 | The one and only Deagle Double G | -0.94 | 38 | 67 |
| #5 | fraim | -1.42 | 45 | 46 |





