








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 238 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
848 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 997 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 131 | 13% |
| Smokes | 219 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 422 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 225 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $113,046 of utility $33 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | altebanane | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | bL4cky | 48% | 21 |
| #3 | fraim | 35% | 26 |
| #4 | Fresh Dumbledore | 33% | 78 |
| #5 | woyzeck | 32% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | woyzeck | 8 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | The one and only Deagle Double G | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | bL4cky | 4 | 0.0092 |
| #4 | altebanane | 4 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | Fresh Dumbledore | 1 | 0.0006 |





