








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 339 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,150 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1885 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1455 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1175 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 635 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $562,443 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 121 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | ✪s | 47% | 17 |
| #10 | ﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽ | 44% | 9 |
| #11 | Schvenn | 44% | 43 |
| #12 | Raggy | 43% | 21 |
| #13 | The Horse | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fender on a bender | 14 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | Shit Eater | 13 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | 1337enKEWKEN | 9 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | Ajabaja | 7 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | Schvenn | 6 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1337enKEWKEN | 192 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | Schvenn | 159 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | Ajabaja | 120 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Recal | 112 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Fender on a bender | 97 | 0.08 | 3 min |





