








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
663 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,324 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 30 | 2% |
| Smokes | 315 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 547 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 432 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $525,081 of utility $213 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | asiSympho | 38% | 37 |
| #6 | John J. Flick | 36% | 74 |
| #7 | asiDandie | 36% | 61 |
| #8 | asiWizardes | 35% | 110 |
| #9 | asiMystik | 31% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asiWizardes | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | kulich | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | John J. Flick | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | asiDandie | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | asiMystik | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asiWizardes | 224 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | John J. Flick | 213 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | asiMystik | 160 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | asiSympho | 56 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Nigel | 49 | 0.06 | 1 min |





