








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1608 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,020 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 990 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1315 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 831 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 884 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $737,934 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 200 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bargain Bob | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | xophor | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | Zer0 ☢ | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | Johnny Thunder | 50% | 16 |
| #5 | fatnuts | 46% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Wheaty | 42% | 12 |
| #11 | Xtisi | 42% | 24 |
| #12 | sweet hoggins | 37% | 83 |
| #13 | bigblue1124 | 36% | 11 |
| #14 | Raticus Prime | 34% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sweet hoggins | 16 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | A Wicked Chewna | 15 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | Raticus Prime | 10 | 0.0080 |
| #4 | xophor | 5 | 0.0178 |
| #5 | Johnny Thunder | 4 | 0.0124 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Raticus Prime | 436 | 0.35 | 11 min |
| #2 | A Wicked Chewna | 273 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | sweet hoggins | 218 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | fatnuts | 142 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | Dadhelpmeplz | 74 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Thunder | +4.39 | 35 | 39 |
| #2 | xophor | +3.78 | 85 | 17 |
| #3 | bigblue1124 | +2.89 | 79 | 42 |
| #4 | Sausage Legz | +2.25 | 48 | 51 |
| #5 | Wheaty | +1.89 | 46 | 68 |





